Im really sad because Im going to be working Thanksgiving and I wont be able to be with him. I feel like a failure of a girlfriend.I want to be with him but I dont want it to be a holiday. My heart is hurting so much. Im so afraid of everything that Im going to feel. So Im working in a way to escape it but I dont know how much it will help. Im still afraid to deal with the reality of my life. Ive been denying everything that has been happening, hoping that I will wake up one day and realize that its not as bad it seems. But i know that i have to put on my big girl pants and deal with it. One step at a time. I pray that I can make it.

 

"I'm nice to everybody, but if you're horrible to me I'm going to write a song about you, and you won't like it" -
-Taylor Swift

 

 

If I lost him Id be alone and have no one.


I really dont know how Im going to make it thr the holidays.

Thanksgiving is going to be a tester, if it gets to be to much ill work on christmas

Im tired of not connecting to anyone around. Lately Ive been pretending to be sincere and listen. but i have nothing to say and feel so distant. I dont know where I have really gone

I know that everyday is a fight for what I love, but im still not entirely sure as to what i believe. I dont want to be affiliated with any world or assosciation. I just want to be accepted.

I know im a loser for always being so needy

I just cant believe how vulnerable i am under my thickened heart

Ive had so many offers for people to take me in or whatever and i really dont want them. I never thought that i could be pushed away like this or maybe i pushed myself away like this. but seclusion seem to be the answer.

no man is an island but im so disconnected from others that i know how to interact like i care but honestly i dont really care and i wish i could change it

 

I applied for 3 jobs down here and hopefully i will hear back from someone by next week.

I just want a hug

I passed my finals and I am in the process of role transition into to being a nurse!!!! I love love love what I do!!!! Today I am taking my happy butt to all the hiosptals I can find down here so I can get a job and be closer to him. <3

Its a new day and its going to be awesome