Every day I get up and I keep trying but it never seems to pay off. At the end of the day Im still alone and scared. I keep going simply because I have to but there is no end in sight. I honestly dont know if Im going to make it through today.
I had really scary thoughts last night and was thinking of ways to kill myself.
& thats not me Ive never been that kind of person
Knowing that my grandparents would find me is what stopped me. But I cant help but think that the most painful death is what I deserve. I wonder what part of Dante's hell I would go to...
I dont want to have children because they might get the mental illness that I think I must have. I just cant understand what is wrong with me. I dont understand why my family doesnt want me anymore. Was I too much of a person or did I not have enough of a back bone?
I realized that this is complete as my life is going to get. I dont have a family...
I have been very ugly. The way that I behave is causing Brennan to fall.
I just wish that there was an end in sight. But there isnt.
I love being around his family and people who can live their life like there normal
But there is something inside me stirring and dying all at once.
I almost can stand to be around other people cause it only makes me think of them. I miss my family. I have images and flash backs to what my life use to be like with them and all I feel is nothing.