If I lost him Id be alone and have no one.

I really dont know how Im going to make it thr the holidays.

Thanksgiving is going to be a tester, if it gets to be to much ill work on christmas

Im tired of not connecting to anyone around. Lately Ive been pretending to be sincere and listen. but i have nothing to say and feel so distant. I dont know where I have really gone

I know that everyday is a fight for what I love, but im still not entirely sure as to what i believe. I dont want to be affiliated with any world or assosciation. I just want to be accepted.

I know im a loser for always being so needy

I just cant believe how vulnerable i am under my thickened heart

Ive had so many offers for people to take me in or whatever and i really dont want them. I never thought that i could be pushed away like this or maybe i pushed myself away like this. but seclusion seem to be the answer.

no man is an island but im so disconnected from others that i know how to interact like i care but honestly i dont really care and i wish i could change it


I applied for 3 jobs down here and hopefully i will hear back from someone by next week.

I just want a hug